The Millennial Motorist

After a week in Nissan’s polarizing little crossover, I’ve finally deduced whom it’s perfect for.

My previous favorite 7-seater, the Mazda CX-9, was nearly perfect, but lacked cargo space and acceleration. With a 0-60 time of 6.2 seconds and nearly 100 cubic feet of space, the Traverse doesn’t make these concessions.

BMWs have satisfyingly instant power delivery, surprising efficiency and stellar driving dynamics.

The flagship of Hyundai’s new luxury brand presents a blatant threat to the XL luxury sedan king, the Mercedes S-Class.

Gas engines offer more horsepower. Diesel engines offer more torque. What’s the difference?

The Mini Countryman looks like the result of someone jamming the leftover Russian steroids from the last Olympics into a regular Mini. Nearly three feet longer than its baby brother, the Countryman boasts four doors, five seats, 50 cubic feet of space.

The ‘18 Tiguan reminds me of my dog, Joy. I didn’t adopt Joy because she’s the best dog, having ranked her stats against other dogs; I simply chose her because she made me feel good.

To many aficionados, the BMW M3 is the best sports sedan of all time. However, the legendary Bimmer features three chinks in its carbon fiber armor: practicality, dependability and price.

Mazda’s adorable subcompact retains the agility, if not the acceleration, of its sporty sedan siblings while offering an excellent 34 MPG highway. Plus, I’ve never been more impressed by a sub-$30k interior; in Grand Touring trim, the CX-3 cocoons you in leather, silver and suede.

Grand touring cars are dichotomous creations boasting both immense power and serene comfort. Like La-Z-Boys with horsepower, GT cars are ideal for childless road trips to the nearest 5-star haven.

Engineering a three-row SUV to be fun to drive is like teaching sumo wrestlers to perform “Swan Lake”; physics are working against you. Three-rows are too long and heavy to gobble corners like a Porsche.

What’s unique or outstanding about the Mitsubishi Outlander? Not much. And that’s what makes it great.

What do you get when you pay $14,000 for a new car? Seats, a steering wheel, maybe some windows that don’t require an upper body workout to operate?

When you’re the king, you fight to keep the crown. Sadly, car companies don’t fight in a Mad-Max style battle; but we still get to reap some benefits.

Many carmakers can be accurately summarized with one word. Toyotas are reliable. Mercedes are fancy. BMWs are sporty, and Aston Martins are cool. What, then, are Mazdas?

The Toyota CH-R isn’t a bad car. It’s perhaps the coolest-looking crossover currently made, handles well, gets 31 MPG and features a curiously stellar standard sound system.

If the Camry is the frenetic, tech-savvy Millennial of the Toyota lineup, then the Avalon is the calm, taciturn Baby Boomer. More luxurious than most luxury cars, quieter than a monastery, and more comfortable than your favorite chair, the Avalon seems perfect for the aspiring retiree.

Kia is done playing coy. By marketing a sub-$25k, hybrid, subcompact crossover, its basically screaming “Millennials – GIVE US YOUR MONEY.” Should we, or anyone else, for a Niro?

Have you ever taken the first bite of a delicious dish and thought “this needs more salt?” With no salt around, you’re left with a dish that’s okay, but could be so much better with a simple addition.

The 2018 Honda Odyssey’s biggest surprise isn’t its beautiful, high-tech dashboard; those have been in the Honda fleet for a while. Nor is it the styling; recent Hondas, namely the Civic, look futuristic enough to sit on a “Blade Runner” set.

Kia’s entry into the “semi-luxe” space, the Cadenza seemingly offers everything you could want from a Mercedes E-Class for $20k less. They’re both comfortable, handsome, well-equipped, spacious and dependable. So with Mercs, are you really just paying for the three-pointed star on the front?

Jim Gaffigan likens driving a pickup to “carrying around a big, empty suitcase.” “Grand Tour” host Jeremy Clarkson doesn’t see the appeal either: “In Britain, everything in the back would get nicked at a stoplight.”

You’d think Mitsubishi would be on the ropes as a carmaker. None of their models has scored above 2 out of 5 stars in Car and Driver, and they’ve discontinued their Lancer sedan this year after 44 years in production.

Shopping for a crossover? Who isn’t? The sedan/SUV hybrid is by miles the best-selling body style in America, so manufacturers pour R&D resources into making their crossover the most appealing.

Seeking that magical balance between sportiness and comfort? The Lexus IS might be for you.

As rivals like the Toyota Camry and Ford Fusion become more sporty, the heavily refreshed Sonata sticks to its Hyundai guns: quiet, comfort and cabin tech.

You don’t often hear “Hyundai,” “sporty” and “six-speed” in the same sentence, but that’s precisely what the 2018 Elantra GT offers. A practical hatchback with a peppy personality, the Elantra GT hopes to pry buyers away from the incumbent hatchback king, the Volkswagen Golf.

As ritzy as it may look, Lexus’ mid-sized sports sedan starts for under $50,000, putting it well within purchase range of an aspirational under-30 in a lucrative industry. But is it worth buying?

Scion was a radical experiment for Toyota. Why not create a sub-brand just for millennials? The experiment worked, but soon the millennials started swapping their Scions for Toyotas, perceiving them as a step up.

In 2011, I triumphantly purchased my first car. Leading up to that moment was 1,000 hours of research and 23 test drives. The Carmax folks were glad to see me go.