“I had two people say that to me today: I’m going to have you fired. Go ahead, be my guest. I’m wearing a green velvet costume. It doesn’t get any worse than this. Who do these people think they are? I’m going to have you fired, and I want to lean over and say: I’m going to have you killed.”
That quote’s from David Sedaris’ hilarious essay, The Santaland Diaries, about his comical adventures as a middle-aged elf at Macy’s. The stage version is now playing at the Horizon Theatre through December 31.
P.S. Leave the little ones at home.